Diary of an Open Relationship

We haven’t had sex in over a month. Came to the realization that I am truly a slut at heart and this slut is pretty fucking wound up.

I’m very grateful to have our Unicorn with us. She’s a great buffer, catalyst, friend and soon lover. It’s still strange to not really know where I stand with her or if I’m allowed to play with her on my own yet. She is owned by our Master, as am I, and the whole permission talk hasn’t taken place since the very beginning. Well, I guess I know what to do… ask.

Open, honest communication. The key to a healthy relationship.

After a bit of a rant with the unicorn (the both of us had simple stresses) I’ve been feeling better. It’s amazing what a simple “girl talk” session will do for one’s mindset.

It’s been hard to gather my thoughts and understand my feelings about the upcoming events. Our Unicorn is moving in in a few days and I feel a jumbled mess of excitement, nervousness, and relief.

There are a few jealous feelings every now and then. I know full well that they stem from my own insecurities and I have no need to worry. I have a lot to work on myself and I’ve been grateful to have her to help me work on my flaws. I have a wonderful and understanding Master who miraculously handles two young women in great stride. It’s terrifying to be this vulnerable when the relationship is in such a state of flux. Though we are moving in a positive direction, change is always a faceless terror. I keep reminding myself (as does Master) that I have two wonderful people for support.

I’m so relieved that this, after 3 months, will finally drop the “long-distance” part of the relationship title. It’s been tough being the everyday-girlfriend and having an exciting weekend-girlfriend visit when possible. I’ll admit that some jealousy stems from the desire to have more sex. Having less sex with Master than he does with his girlfriend he sees less often has fucked with my self-esteem quite a bit. That’s been a downward spiral I’ve recently started to work my way up from. When I don’t feel sexy, it’s hard to attract sex. It’s hard to feel sexy when I don’t attract sex. An awful catch-22. Now that she will be living with us, I look forward to her help, her attraction, and eventually settling into a routine. It’s going to be a strange, fun, difficult and beautiful journey.

We’ve found her! And she’s everything we’ve ever wanted. :)

For the past few months, Master’s friend from his past has been creeping into our lives. In 2 weeks she and I will have our own room in this house and share his bed. Updates to come.

I find that the “extra” only enhances the primary relationship. It’s fun, it ignites a different spark that you can bring back to your partner, and it provides a wonderful and healthy grounds for exploration.

I’ve found in the past that I’ve become a better lover to my primary when I have the opportunity to play with others. Even now in my current relationship, just knowing that I have the option available to me with His permission makes me feel at ease and more willing to please him.

My primary is simply that, my primary. The flings feel good, but that emotion can be directed back into my relationship. We’ve talked about what would happen “if” of course. If one of us fell for someone else, if we wanted to include a third as more than just a play partner in the bedroom, if one of us had a problem who whom the other was currently playing with… it’s all about open communication and enjoyment. I love how an open relationship can’t work without open communication and how I always know where I stand without fear of jealousy. This simple fact has made my significant other so much more appealing to me. :)

I recently made a post on FetLife.com in response to a sub having problems with protocol with their Dom. My response geared more toward the punishment and reward aspect using my own experience as a relatable example. One sub responded to me asking for more advice. I’m posting my response here in hopes that someone else may find it useful. The advice is pretty generic, but words of encouragement are always good to have on hand. :)

This is geared towards questions of how to talk to a Dom that a sub feels isn’t holding up their end of the punishment aspect of protocol. As a sub, I understand it’s frustrating when there isn’t any retribution for misdeeds.

Before talking, i suggest sitting down and gathering your thoughts/wants/needs/expectations. When i talked to my Master, He made me realize that creating a punishment and reward system wasn’t going to be simple and needs as much input from me as it does from Him. He asked me to gather my thoughts and come to Him with  what i wanted to get out of the D/s relationship along with how i wanted things to go. He reminded me that these are not demands i was making, but it gave Him an idea of how i wanted to be treated and which direction He should take with me.

When you do sit down with your Owner, make sure it’s a time when each of you have enough time to dedicate to the conversation and enough prior knowledge of a protocol discussion to prepare for it. Before my own talk, i mentioned to my Master that I wanted to discuss protocol later that day. After the first talk, it was decided to discuss in more detail (after some minor alterations were agreed upon) a week later.

The talk made me realize that our D/s relationship is more dependent on me and how i respond to my duties and misconducts. Right now, He has me in a “proving myself” stage- which i never understood before now. He wants to see how much i want to submit to him before getting into a more strict D/s relationship because He doesn’t want punishments or rewards to be my drive to complete my duties or be involved in certain scenes with Him.

I’m not saying that this is what your Owner may be doing, but finding out if the lack of punishments is more than laziness/forgetfulness/concern for you might help you to help your Owner.

I hope this helps. For the most part, go into a conversation knowing what you want while keeping an open mind. Remind yourself (and your Owner) that these are not demands, but insight into how you would like to be treated and the direction you feel most excited to go in.

My entire sexually active life, I’ve only been able to get off in a very specific body position, whether it be on top or bottom. This is from the way I’ve masturbated and fooled around with other girls since I was a kid.

Last night was the first time I’ve gotten off with someone in a totally new sexual position and body position. The grin on my face must have beamed like light house because he asked, “What’s with the shit-eating grin?” Yup, that’s M for you. :D Moments earlier he dutch-ovened me and giggled like a school girl at her first slumber party. ::sigh:: Bedtime is an interesting time in this house.

On to other news…

Through my Halloween adventures I’ve come across a very, very cute girl -who looks great in blood and short dresses. My Gay Roomate (GR) came up to me as we wrapped up the night’s festivities, “So Jessi thinks you’re hot. I want you two to make lesbian babies together.” Here’s hoping for a successful conquest.